The Joy of Being a Grandparent

I was a terrible mother. Really. The results speak for themselves. My oldest son passed away at 25. My youngest son had the hardest adolescence imaginable. He survived it, and is now a real grownup person, a little rough around the edges, but has an excellent handle on who he is and what he wants. He is intelligent, hardworking, and kind.  And I am very proud of the man he has become.


I stayed home with my two boys until they started K and 1st. I did everything thing that Dr. Spock and the other experts said I was suppose to do. They never missed a doctor checkup or a vacination. I made homemade babyfood; and they took their vitamins. I made Halloween costumes on my sewing maching.  My kids went to baby play dates, church, Sunday school, Tuesday school, Cub Scouts, swimming lessons, vacation bible school, community college classes, day camp, educational vacations, community theater, little league, and everything else I could find or imagine. We made homemade Christmas ornaments and gifts for the grandparents. I read to them every night - every night until they were passed old enough to read to themselves. They had at least heard most the classics before they started school. They always scored at the top 5% of all the national testing. They went to school in clean clothes, and with home cooked breakfasts in their tummies. Their homework was done and stacked by the door. No matter how long the battle the night before had lasted.

When I started teaching, I made sure I was home with them when they were sick.  I started working on my Master's and their grandmother took care of them. I took them to college with me sometimes and we went on great vacations. By the time they were in High school, they had been to the bullfights on Easter in Juarez, a Dallas Cowboys game, Ringling Brothers Circus, Sea World, and every historic site in NM and TX. They had been deep sea fishing, to football camp, to rodeos, the State Fair, and Disneyland.  They had attended the theatre in El Paso, Cats, Camelot, Fiddler, and all the community concerts and local community theatre plays in Carlsbad. They had been to museum exihibitions in serveral cities, the Ft. Worth Zoo, the Aquarium and Zoo in ABQ, the Natural History Museums, Art Museums, and just about anything else we could find.
What did I do wrong? Lots. I gave them too much, and did too much for them. I over parented. I agonized over all the details. I smothered. I wanted perfection. I didn't get it.

Now, grandkids are a whole different story. The pressure is off. I can entertain without guilt. I can buy what I want or not. I can feed her junk food. I can dress her for school in 2 different socks without having an anxiety attack. Lots of things that I thought really mattered with my kids, are not really all that important. Now, I can see that she will be what she will be, and both of her parents love her very much. She is happy sometimes and unhappy sometimes, but now I understand that life cannot be perfect. And she might not be perfect. But I can enjoy being with her. And pretty soon, we can do some of those things I did with my kids, but without all the stress. I can give her some of the same advantages, and not worry about the results. I look forward to it - a lot. And I look forward to the second grandkid too. He will be here around Dec. 30th and I intend to spoil the heck out of him too.