The Joy of Being a Grandparent

I was a terrible mother. Really. The results speak for themselves. My oldest son passed away at 25. My youngest son had the hardest adolescence imaginable. He survived it, and is now a real grownup person, a little rough around the edges, but has an excellent handle on who he is and what he wants. He is intelligent, hardworking, and kind.  And I am very proud of the man he has become.


I stayed home with my two boys until they started K and 1st. I did everything thing that Dr. Spock and the other experts said I was suppose to do. They never missed a doctor checkup or a vacination. I made homemade babyfood; and they took their vitamins. I made Halloween costumes on my sewing maching.  My kids went to baby play dates, church, Sunday school, Tuesday school, Cub Scouts, swimming lessons, vacation bible school, community college classes, day camp, educational vacations, community theater, little league, and everything else I could find or imagine. We made homemade Christmas ornaments and gifts for the grandparents. I read to them every night - every night until they were passed old enough to read to themselves. They had at least heard most the classics before they started school. They always scored at the top 5% of all the national testing. They went to school in clean clothes, and with home cooked breakfasts in their tummies. Their homework was done and stacked by the door. No matter how long the battle the night before had lasted.

When I started teaching, I made sure I was home with them when they were sick.  I started working on my Master's and their grandmother took care of them. I took them to college with me sometimes and we went on great vacations. By the time they were in High school, they had been to the bullfights on Easter in Juarez, a Dallas Cowboys game, Ringling Brothers Circus, Sea World, and every historic site in NM and TX. They had been deep sea fishing, to football camp, to rodeos, the State Fair, and Disneyland.  They had attended the theatre in El Paso, Cats, Camelot, Fiddler, and all the community concerts and local community theatre plays in Carlsbad. They had been to museum exihibitions in serveral cities, the Ft. Worth Zoo, the Aquarium and Zoo in ABQ, the Natural History Museums, Art Museums, and just about anything else we could find.
What did I do wrong? Lots. I gave them too much, and did too much for them. I over parented. I agonized over all the details. I smothered. I wanted perfection. I didn't get it.

Now, grandkids are a whole different story. The pressure is off. I can entertain without guilt. I can buy what I want or not. I can feed her junk food. I can dress her for school in 2 different socks without having an anxiety attack. Lots of things that I thought really mattered with my kids, are not really all that important. Now, I can see that she will be what she will be, and both of her parents love her very much. She is happy sometimes and unhappy sometimes, but now I understand that life cannot be perfect. And she might not be perfect. But I can enjoy being with her. And pretty soon, we can do some of those things I did with my kids, but without all the stress. I can give her some of the same advantages, and not worry about the results. I look forward to it - a lot. And I look forward to the second grandkid too. He will be here around Dec. 30th and I intend to spoil the heck out of him too.

Lavern and Voncile

These two women planted seeds,
And watered their garden,
So we could blossom and grow.
They gave little girls an amazing gift,
A gift of time, and being so young
We didn’t know the cost.
We only knew that they were there,
With hugs, laughter, and words of wisdom
With Elmer’s glue and glitter.
They shared their life experience,
And love, and homemade cookies
They patched up our fights,
And dried our tears, with Kleenex,
Sympathy and good advice.
They were dependably there
Throughout our forming years,
For Box Suppers, Candy Sales,
Car washes, and Style shows;
For pecan pies and Campfire Camp.
And as we grew, they guided.
They were there to teach us
About Service, Kindness, Duty,
And the importance of Friendship
We learned Pride and Humility
And how to walk with heads held high.
They watch over our childhood and
Endured our adolescence, and
Then ushered us into adulthood.
They taught us to reach for stars,
But to be there when someone falls,
And to cheer for each other’s success.
They deserve a large part of the credit
For the women we have become,
Nurses, bankers, teachers, artists,
Writers, homemakers, and business leaders
And after all these years, still real friends.

Too Early to Be Focused - Occupy Together / Occupy Wall Street

The Occupy Wall Street movement does not need to be focused yet. Right now they need to organize and energize. They need to get across the idea that people are sick of the way Wall Street and our Government is circle jerking each other. As soon as they come up with a list of specific demands, someone, the SSDD Dems, or, heaven forbid, the Tea baggers will try and co-opt their energy and their agenda. They will be pigeon-holed, minimalized, and forgotten – just like the One World protestors in 1999. If they keep the Occupy Together movement going, they will be able to force the media (or the media not controlled by Murdoch) to either jump out of the way or jump on board. Some of their best ideas are: getting rid of corporate money in politics, prosecuting the bankers responsible for the Bank Debacle and the Mortgage Meltdown, student loan forgiveness, infrastructure jobs, supporting universal health care, forcing true fair world trade, and getting the military the hell out of the Middle East. I voted for Obama on the promise that he would get the troops out of the Middle East. I don’t care if he is black, white, or green. Right now, I am not happy with his compromising attitude. However, I don’t see anyone in the potential GOP candidates that could do any better. And neither do the people in Liberty Park. We need better answers. Better answers will not come from the same old talking heads. This has been the best thing I have seen on the news in years. I had lost all hope of things ever changing. Now maybe there is a flicker of a light at the end of the tunnel.

Why Public Education is in Peril

Not long after I retired, I was packing away and throwing out education books I had collected over the 25 years. I came across a tattered paperback copy of Teaching as a Subversive Activity, and was struck by how deeply my teaching had been affected by this book: Early in my career, I had vigorously attempted to adhere to these principles. At my very best, I tried to teach students to question everything they were told – even the things I told them. The public education system is not friendly to this kind of teaching. And by the end of my career, I still had the attitude and tried to pass it on to my students. But today public education will beat the inquiry out of you.

According to Postman and Weingartner, students should be encouraged to ask questions meaningful to them, and ones that do not necessarily have easy answers; teachers should be encouraged to avoid giving answers whenever possible, and to avoid giving direct answers in favor of asking more questions.

The method of teaching students to ask questions is motivated by the authors’ understanding that learners need to center their attention on the process of inquiry itself, not merely on the end products, or facts. They list certain characteristics that they think are common to all good learners (Postman and Weingartner, 31–33), saying that all good learners have:
• Self-confidence in their learning ability
• Pleasure in problem solving
• A keen sense of relevance
• Reliance on their own judgment over other people's or society's
• No fear of being wrong
• No haste in answering
• Flexibility in point of view
• Respect for facts, and the ability to distinguish between fact and opinion
• No need for final answers to all questions, and comfort in not knowing an answer to difficult questions rather than settling for a simplistic answer

In attempting to imbue students with this approach to their education, a teacher who adheres to the inquiry method must act in ways that are startlingly opposed to traditional teaching styles.

Postman and Weingartner suggest that inquiry teachers have the following characteristics (pp. 34–37):
• They avoid telling students what they "ought to know".
• They talk to students mostly by questioning, and especially by asking questions that are divergent.
• They do not accept short, simple answers to questions.
• They encourage students to interact directly with one another, and avoid judging what is said in student interactions.
• They do not summarize students' discussion.
• They do not plan the exact direction of their lessons in advance, and allow it to develop in response to students' interests.
• Their lessons pose problems to students.
• They gauge their success by change in students' inquiry behaviors (with the above characteristics of "good learners" as a goal).

Good teaching can be subversive because, among other things, it challenges students to think, to question things as they are, to envision and consider possibilities. To be "subversive", we must encourage students to think outside the box. We need to teach students to desire to be life-long learners. We need to create a thirst for knowledge. The evidence that we have failed in this mission hits us in the face with every new government educational report. We have bright students, but what are we doing that causes the quality of education to continue to degrade? Why is America not at the top of the list of educated, developed nations?

I don’t know when I stopped using inquiry with conscious effort, but I know there were years I didn’t do it as well as Postman and Weingartner would have liked. I could blame my failure on burnout, or on No Child Left Behind, Madeline Hunter and five page lesson plans with stated objectives, checklists, state standards, and benchmarks. I cannot even explain how discouraging it was knowing that Central Office (my bosses) wanted every 8th grade History or Language Arts teacher to be on the same page, on the same day, teaching the exact same enumerated State Standard. I do know that NCLB was why I retired after the minimum 25 years.

The book's authors predicted that much in American education would be changing. In some respects, and it has; but not for the better. I was blessed with a good mind and an excellent public school education. The elementary and secondary teachers I remember best did encourage their students to ask questions. They also taught from the heart and with a love of the curriculum, not from a list of objectives provided by the state or central office. I can’t imagine exactly what some of them would have thought about the inane hoops I was required to jump through after the implementation of NCLB.

We have a wealth of educational technology today. The average 8th grader holding an iPhone has more information at his or her fingertips that all of the previous U.S. Presidents. But if they do not have the ability to sift through the information provided by this technology and recognize what is valid, it doesn’t do them any good. All the technology in the world will not produce an inquiring mind without someone modeling the process of inquiry.

The results of not having a questioning mind are evident in the attitudes and actions of a large majority of adults today. They hear something on TV and immediately take it to be a fact. Our society has become too accepting. We don’t ask why. We don’t ask how. We get in line and do as we are told. We give up our basic rights. We have become sheeple.